Weekly Obssession: Let’s Get Naked

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See what I did there!

No, this post is not about nude ladies, it is about one of my all time favorite bands: The Barenaked Ladies

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a love of words. I love to read, just about anything, and I love music primarily because of the lyrics. I am a sucker for a expertly turned phrase. A great author and a great songwriter can speak directly to my soul and I love that. The Barenaked Ladies have written some pretty amazing stuff and a lot of it speaks to me in volumes. They are clever and funny and deep and superficial and all of it, sometimes, at the same time.

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They are a Canadian band, formed in 1988. They have indie roots, have never really been anything that I’d consider mainstream, and have released 14 studio albums. They are super talented, they have members who play a stand-up bass and an accordion and they can sing in some kick-ass close harmony as well. They are far from normal and that is part of their appeal to me. From the hysterical and way too close to the truth “Grade 9” to anything from their kids album “Snacktime” to the completely bizzare “King of Bedside Manor,” I love all things Barenaked Ladies.

Here are some of my favorite BNL songs including a few links to video/audio of the songs. Check ’em out!


If I Had $1,000,000

This is a BNL classic and it’s probably kind of cheating to start off with it, but it’s a favorite for obvious reasons. It is funny and super clever, and my favorite parts of this song are the spoken parts between verses.

Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere. We could just go up there and hang out, like open the fridge and stuff, and there’d be foods laid out for us. With little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmmmm.

They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.

Well, can you blame them?

Yeah!

And

We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner. But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we’d just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchup with it. That’s right, all fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmm.

I mean, the song is about having a million dollars and they are riffing on foods like pre-wrapped sausage and Kraft Mac-N-Cheese. Genius. Of course the other things they would buy “you” with their money are pretty amazing as well. Things like a llama or an emu or a monkey (haven’t you always wanted a monkey?). Talking about not getting a “real” fur coat because that is cruel and how getting you a “real green dress” would also be cruel. And purchase some “art” in either the form of a Picasso or a Garfunkel. I mean really, it is my sincere hope that these guys are just geniuses and weren’t on something when they wrote this. This is some fantastic stuff.


Crazy

Having being diagnosed as Bipolar, I love this song, because I have learned to embrace my crazy. It is part of who I am. Again, I like the humor included in these lyrics in talking about being crazy. It may be offensive to some people, but I’m not those people and this is my blog. So #suckit.

I climb the walls of my mind just like I’m climbing on a jungle gym. I am more than content with the state of mind I am in ‘cause I’m crazy. Just like you.

I don’t think I need a rubber room, but hey, that might be nice. I’m not a manic depressive, paranoid, or schizophrenic so I don’t need your advice. I am crazy, just like you.

The lights are on but nobody’s home, my elevator doesn’t go to the top. I’m not playing with a full deck. I’ve lost my marbles.

I’m a few bricks short of a load but a full load always hurt my back. I flew over the cuckoo’s nest and I’m never ever coming back because I’m crazy, just like you.

Enjoy the video … it’s of the amazing Ed Robertson singing with only his guitar and intoxicating eyes. #swoon


Duct Tape Heart

I’m a sucker for romance and an awesome love song. This one is actually about heartbreak, in a way. It tells of a heart held together by duct tape and no matter what is done to this heart, there will always be enough duct tape to put it back together.

A million uses, you know the truth is there isn’t anything that it can’t fix.

When you wear through one, just make a new one, and make a wallet out of extra bits.


Deck the Stills

BNL seriously has one of my all time favorite Christmas albums. It has a little bit of everything on it and this particular song is completely ridiculous, which is why I love it. They basically took the standard “Deck The Halls” and replaced all the words with “Crosby Still Nash and Young” – then they just sing those five words over and over again to the tune of “Deck the Halls.” Absolutely brilliant. 


Tonight is The Night I Fell Asleep at The Wheel

So this song is clever to me in a very dark and morbid way. It basically tells the story of a guy driving home who falls asleep at the wheel and then crashes his car and dies. Yep, pretty straightforward. But the detail in what the deceased is seeing while they try to free him from the car is pretty creative. I’m including all of the lyrics to this one (with a little paraphrasing), because I like it a whole lot. I appreciate the creativity here quite a bit.  

Driving home to be with you

The highway’s dividing, the city’s in view

As usual, I’m almost on time

You’re the last thing that’s on my mind

I wish I could tell you the way that I feel

But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

 

No commotion, no screaming brakes

Most of it’s over before I awake

From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips

While out my window, the horizon does flips

The worst part was hitting the ground –

Not the feeling so much as the sound

Can’t help but wonder if all this is real

Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

 

Rubberneck traffic and passersby

And Slow Motion Walter the fire engine guy

Stand around with their mouths open wide

I heard some idiot ask if someone’s inside

With the Jaws of Life they tried and they tried

Nobody here can know how I feel

Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

 

I guess it’s over now

Cause I’ve never seen so much blood

 

In all the confusion, there’s something serene

I’m just a posthumous part of the scene

Now I’m floating above looking in

As the radio blares and wheels spin

I can see my face slump with a grin

And you…you’re the last thing on my mind


Odds Are

The guys teamed up with the YouTubers at Rooster Teeth for this video (as well as the video for “Did I Say That Out Loud”) and it is quite humorous. It’s a fun little ditty about living life right now, because there are a bunch of ways you could die at any moment. You could be hit by the A-Train or crash in an airplane. You could be struck by lightning or eaten by a Great White shark. Honestly, there ain’t a way to go that’s fun.

The music video is pretty clever as well. If you are a fan of either BNL or Rooster Teeth, you’ll dig it.


Big Bang Theory Theme

Words. Lots and lots of words. Really fast words. A little education maybe? I love this one a lot. It’s a great show too.


Pinch Me

Another sort of angsty song, this one speaks to things not being quite right. It has been said that when he wrote this, Ed Robertson referenced “the notion that you know things are good, they’re just not quite good for you.” To me, it’s about not being sure the life you have is actually the life you are supposed to have.

It’s like a dream – you try to remember but it’s gone, then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when you try to see the world beyond your front door.

Pinch me ‘cause I’m still asleep.

Please God tell me that I’m still asleep


There are sooooooo many amazing BNL songs, I won’t bore you with any more, but if you are so inclined, I encourage you to check them out. They are pretty awesome, at least in my book.

Do you have any favorite BNL songs? Lemme know in the comments!!

Mancrush Monday: Zachary Levi

I’m kicking off my Mancrush Monday series with my biggest man crush. Zachary Levi. I discovered him, as many did, on the hit show Chuck, where he played every-nerd Chuck Bartowski. He developed from a tousle-haired nerd to a sexy spy throughout the series.

He has also done many other things, like playing Flynn Rider in Disney’s “Tangled”, the bad guy turned good guy Luke Collins in “Heroes Reborn”, the dashing Fandral in “Thor: Dark World”, the very Chuck-ish Gus in “Remember Sunday”, and currently he plays James McMahon in “Telenovela”. He also is appearing in New York in the revival of the musical “She Loves Me”.

He’s a nerd, he can sing, he is gorgeous. I adore him. Here are a few reasons why:

1) That Face

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I mean really. Look at that face.

2) That Nerd

He started an amazing thing: “The Nerd Machine” (and along with it “Nerd HQ”). The Nerd Machine is a place for nerds and members of various Fandoms to come together and start what he calls the Nerdvolution. A welcoming place for people who get made fun of elsewhere to live together and peace and beautiful nerdy harmony.

Nerd HQ, he started to bring the Con experience to more fans. It runs the same time as the mothership San Diego ComiCon. His desire to share the Nerd World with as many “regular” people as possible is amazing. He loves the Nerd Life and wants to allow anyone else who wants to, to love it as much as he does. Bravo Sir.

3) That Smile

I mean, there really aren’t even words.

4) That Heart

He is an avid and passionate supporter of Operation Smile and often times, when talking about it, he will become emotional. This man lives with his whole heart and being.

He did an interview for Gurl.com (a website that publishes content for young women) and he had some pretty awesome words for young women.

From what I’ve seen and read about him, he seems like a pretty awesome person who is passionate about what he believes in and lives with his whole heart.

5) Those Eyes

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My oh my. Those eyes.

6) That Laugh

Again, with everything he has. His laugh comes straight from his soul and he puts his entire being into it. Amazing and sexy and adorable. Adorasexy? Is that a word?

7) That …. Everything

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Seriously? How can you not adore this man.

 

 

Music To Run To

I have recently started running again, after many years of not running (or doing any significant kind of real physical activity), and I’m quite enjoying it. I know that “they” say you shouldn’t run with headphones in, because you need to hear traffic and dogs and wild bears and whatever else is out that could potentially kill you while you run, but whatever. I like music too much not to. If I happen to be attacked by a wild bear while I’m jamming to some Rage Against The Machine … at least I will die happy and rocking out.

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Now, here is where my OCD tendencies come in to play. I’ve spent nearly three days now, building a playlist to run to. Here’s a little back story:

I spent most of my youth in dance classes and marching band, so because of that, rhythm is very important to me. It is something that flows through me and I can’t ignore it. It’s a blessing and a curse. I can tear up a dance floor …. but as soon as someone starts snapping on 1 & 3 … I want to beat them over the head with the nearest chair. So, because of this, when I’m running, or walking, or moving around at all, and music is involved. I tend to start to move in time with the music. As you can imagine, training for a race involves pacing and interval training, and I have found that I can’t just have some rando list of music playing. I need it to be in order.

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Luckily I found a great website called Jog.Fm that has a pretty good database of music that you can sort by Pace or Beats Per Minute (BPM). This has proved both very helpful and a giant, king-sized time suck. I have a very large and extensive list of music styles that I love to listen to. Lots of varied favorite artists. So narrowing it down to what will pump me up while I’m running while also moving along in an organized way for some decent pacing has been …. challenging. I won’t go into the details of my work, but it does involve spreadsheets … because OCD.

So I am finishing up a playlist for when I run that will start off at a certain pace and take me through increasing speeds at certain intervals, working up to some sprints here and there. Clearly it is a work in progress and I am certain I will continue tweaking it … probably forever because I’m insane like that. But for now … I’m happy with what I’m starting with.

For anyone interested, here is a portion (there are 60+ songs on it at this point – so these are highlights) of my “Just Keep Running” playlist:

  • “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit
  • “Oxford Comma” by Vampire Weekend
  • “Sing” by Ed Sheeran
  • “Elastic Heart” by Sia
  • “Devour” by Disturbed
  • “Girls” by the Beastie Boys
  • “It’s All Been Done” by Barenaked Ladies
  • “The Boys Are Back” by the Dropkick Murphys
  • “Leave Me Alone I’m Lonely” by Pink
  • “Gone Daddy Gone” by Violent Femmes
  • “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry
  • “Grade 9” by Barenaked Ladies
  • “Another Day” from the RENT Soundtrack
  • “Brass Monkey” by the Beastie Boys
  • “Renegades of Funk” by Rage Against The Machine
  • “U + Ur Hand” by Pink
  • “Lego House” by Ed Sheeran
  • “Higher Ground” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • “To The Kill” by Violent Femmes
  • “Lose Yourself” by Eminem

Yeah. I’m kind of all over the place.

 

Stephen King is The Man

I love to read. I read books like other people watch TV or play video games, for hours on end, only stopping to take a leak and grab more snacks and an adult beverage every now and then. I love to read.

One of my favorite authors is Stephen King. I firmly believe that those who have not read him, for fear that his stuff is all gross and scary and creepy, are really missing out. The man has a way with words like no other. Today, there was a Facebook post featuring a quote from my favorite King book, “The Stand.”

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side.

Or you don’t.”

This started me on an interwebs search for Stephen King quotes. And goodness, I myself had underestimated his ability to turn a phrase and speak directly to my soul. So, here are a few of my favorite Stephen King quotes – at least those I’ve found so far:

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it quote 1

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And possibly my most favorite:

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that  cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

The man is a fucking genius.

Weekly Obsession: Telenovela

The first in a weekly series … allow me to show you something that I’m obsessed with this week.

Note: This series will most likely be entertainment related. A TV show or movie or an actor, a musician or band, a book or series of books. I’m as a general rule obsessed with most things Pop Culture-y. So yeah.

This week some of my favorite shows are coming back from their Fall breaks and this makes me very much happy in the pants. One of these shows is a fairly new show, only having 3 episodes before the fall break. I dicsovered this show solely based on my love/obsesssion/stalker-crush on Zachary Levi.

I present to you: Telenovela

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This is an ensemble comedy about, well about the day to day drama of making a Telenovela. It stars Eva Longoria, playing Ana Sofia, the star of the show, who speaks no Spanish, hates spicy food, and doesn’t know how to Salsa dance. I have to say she is pretty damn awesome in it. She is funny and endearing and has some serious comedic chops. Spot on in my book.

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Others in the supporting cast include Mimi (her best friend and costume designer for the show), an aging diva who is not happy about aging, and one of my favorites: Gael, the “hot guy” of the show who is actually an adorable and insecure gay man who resorts to simply ripping his shirt off whenever he gets nervous.

There is the “evil villan” Rodrigo (complete with cheesy mustache and white cat). He is played with perfect dramatic-over-acting and camp by the totally hot Amaury Nolasco (you may recognize him from Prison Break)

 

There is also the “dumb blonde bimbo” character and the idiotic head writer for the show, who always seems to be high and/or drunk.

Rounding out the main cast is James McMahon played by the ever adorable Zachary Levi. James is the new network president of VivaVison. A regular old white guy brought in to run a Spanish speaking network. It only took them four episodes to get to the “ship” that I think we all saw coming from the beginning. I’ll call them Jana:

I highly recommend this show. It’s one of those cute, funny comedies that may not win any awards but is highly entertaining in its take on the Telenovela and all of the sterotypical stuff that goes along with it, you know, like wind machines and over-dramatic staredowns.

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Cue the Wind Machine

 

 

Relax. Don’t Do It.

I have a phrase that I use, probably more than I should, that is highly inappropriate, but as I age and find that I have a strong desire to be exactly who I am and I really don’t care who thinks whatever about me, I find myself using more publicly than I have in the past.

For example today, I have a large conversation happening on a Facebook thread – revolving around this phrase:

“Calm Your Tits”

I think it is an amazing phrase. Very descriptive. Says exactly what I want it to say. Just the right amount of raunch. Perfect.

It is getting attention, and comments, on Facebook from the regular band of misfits that are my friends, as well as a few other people, who it seems like the phrase but aren’t exactly sure how to publicly respond to it without looking like creepers or weirdos. Which got me to thinking about this phrase and the “normal” words it replaces and maybe some other things you could say instead.

This, my friends, took me down an entire rabbit hole on Imgur of alternate phrases that directly branch from my favorite.

So, starting with the more main stream ways to tell someone to “relax.” According to The Online Slang Dictionary, some things you could say are:

  • Chill.
  • Mellow.
  • Simmer Down.
  • Chillax.
  • Cool Your Jets.
  • Decompress.
  • Play it Cool (which just reminds me of “West Side Story”).
  • Unwind.
  • Veg Out.
  • Take It Easy.
  • Take a Chill Pill (*see note)
Note: Ironically, I got my newsletter from Atlas Obscura today and it had an article about this history of the term “Chill Pill” and where it came from. Apparently, in the 1800’s a Chill Pill was a real thing that you took to get rid of the chills (of all things). If you follow that link you can not only find the actual recipe for a “Chill Pill” but you can also read the chronological history, involving fish and Eton college and the Sugarhill Gang, on how we got from an actual pill for chills to taking a chill pill meaning that you should relax.

I found a few more terms on Urban Dictionary. Honestly none of them were as entertaining as I’d hoped. The only one I found that was different from any other regular dictionary was: Jam Your Hype.

#notimpressed

However. I found my pot of gold on Imgur. Thank the Inappropriate Gods for Imgur. I stumbled up on a thread that was nothing but alternative phrases to replace “Calm Your Tits.” I found a lot that I liked and one that might almost replace the original as my favorite.

The suggestions worth noting:

  • Soothe Your Boobs.
  • De-stress Your Breasts.
  • Holster Your Honkers.
  • Mediate Your Melons.

Two get some serious Honorable Mention:

“Undo The Calamity That Is Your Mammaries”

and

“Don’t Have A Rack Attack”

Then my second favorite:

“Hakuna Your Tata’s”

What a wonderful phrase! LOL!

But …. after reading an earlier post on here this will make total sense … my new almost all-time favorite:

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I must stay though, as much as I love this …. it will never replace the original in my heart. I’m sorry, but just saying “Calm Your Tits” makes me feel better. Whether it actually works on calming any tits anywhere or not.

And, obviously because I’m a visual person, I have two totally amazing Calm Your Tits related pictures that my friends and I will bust out every now and then. I will leave you with these:

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Because sometimes you just need to have Rowdy Tits.

and:

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Because I know that each and every one of you has a party tit inside just dying to get out and lose control.

Happy Tuesday Weirdos.

 

Herro

Welcome to “fireinabucket” – my crazy corner of the interwebs.

I like to write. And I like nerdy things. And music. And books. And I will talk about all of that here.

I apologize in advance for my inappropriateness.

Talk Proper To Me

I have discovered something about myself.

I have a sort of “type.”

I mean, I already have a type in men who are bald. That is a thing I love. Bald men. But I have discovered another thing I like.

A Proper Gentleman.

Not proper in the way most people would think. I like a guy who says words that most people don’t say in every day conversation.

Things like

“M’lady” and “That is an adorable breast restraint system”

(probably why this is one of my favorite memes:)

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I find people who talk this way completely …well … nerdy and adorable. I was recently binge watching The Mindy Project and discovered the British actor on the show saying things in a similar vein and I realized that a lot of British people talk this way as well. Maybe that is why people (myself included – not gonna lie) find the British accent sexy. Maybe it isn’t the accent itself … maybe the attraction is in those strange, archaic words.  The fact that you are confident enough in your quirky nature to say whatever you want.

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But … a British accent helps.