Let It Go … Away

737bc5db03299f98464cfc69879e051eHere’s a shocking bit of news … I hate winter.

I don’t like that it is gray and gloomy most days where I live during the winter months. It makes me sad and I certainly don’t need any help being sad for fucks sake. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a thing for reals and it is no fun. I learned long ago that I need sunshine in my life or I get stabby and ugly and snarkier than normal. Which is no fun for anyone. I use my halogen desk lamp at work 20% for being able to see my work and 80% to keep me warm and make me feel better.

I don’t like driving in snow and ice and nasty stuff. I don’t like that the people that live where I do lose their everlovin’ minds in regards to being able to drive like logical and sane f3b6c0108b95c1d3a51ffd1cf5fbf3cahuman beings in bad weather. We live in Ohio for crying out loud. It snows every God damn year. It’s not a surprise. Why do you all have the need to re-learn how to
drive in the snow and ice
and slush every fucking year? I mean seriously. I hate all of you. My only saving grace at this point is that I live less than a mile from my job so I don’t have to go far and deal with too many idiots. But still. So annoying.

I don’t like being cold. This is perhaps the biggest think I dislike most about winter. I can deal with temps in the 60’s and maybe even the 50’s if the sun is around. But when it starts to dip intothe low 50’s with  no sun, or anything under about 48 degrees and I’m frozen and struggling to get warm again. I live in warm running pants and hooded sweatshirts and warm winter socks. I dress in multiple layers on a daily basis. I
have a space heater and giant fuzzy blanket at my desk at work and to a normal person walking in my office, you’d think our heat was not working or something. I 6f9b1de3780d1f823ed2e057f2d2d3dehave two electric blankets on my bed that run all winter long, every night. I drink hot coffee and tea non stop. I feel like some days it’s a constant battle to just try and stay warm that I may never win. In addition to just plain being cold, I have an extreme sensitivity to cold air that makes my eyes water incessently. I literally look like I’ve been sobbing if I am outside for any length of time. And if there is a wind on top of the cold – I’m a freaking mess.  So then my skin dries out and gets chapped and I have an eternal “red face” all winter long. It’s so much fun.

So as I feverishly count the days until it’s warm again … I will focus on the things I do enjoy about winter. Ready for some really fucked up nonsense?

I like shoveling snow. I like getting out when we’ve had a decent number of inches of snowfall and shoveling the shit out of it. It is the BEST workout and there is something very satisfying to my cold little OCD heart
about systematically clearing off a driveway or sidewalk. Go figure. It ends up KILLING my back but I know that the cardio I get from it is amazing. And just seeing the cleaned off spaces, all need and tidy, makes me feel a little bit happier inside.

So … while I begin the countdown of 194 days until Summer officiall arrives … enjoy a photo of an octopus wearing a top hat. Because he makes me happy and represents all things exciting and joyful.



Hang in there little Excite-o-pus … only 27 weeks until it is warm again in Ohio.

Perfect Timing: It’s Me

As I struggle through my new life I am finding that I have so many more issues than I realized. I’m a hot mess, plain and simple. And just when I think I’ve got it figured out some random, innocuous, and stupid thing will hit me up side the head and throw me into a tail spin.

I subscribe to a newsletter from a website called Psych Central, a throwback to my Psych Major days and the inner Psychologist in me that likes to pop her head out every now and then and get all up in someone elses business.  And like they say, doctors and nurses make the worst patients … the same can be said for this. I feel like I’m pretty good at helping others talk through issues but when it comes to myself … I can’t talk myself into or out of anything really.  So while I enjoy reading up on all things psychiatric … it also is a lot of self help related reading.

Today’s newsletter had an article that I needed and I needed it exactly right now.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I struggle in my relationships. And not just “intimate” relationships, but all of them really. I struggle with many things, and all if it takes place in my own messed up brain. If I identify-with-tinkerbell-a-lot-because-she-needs-attention-or-2312846don’t get enough information, I start to assume and I usually assume the worst. I lack confidence in myself and so I just assume that everyone else also sees me the same way. My days are a constant struggle inside my head, using self talk and other coping mechanisims, to keep myself from devolving into a crying pile of goo.

Luckily I have some amazing friends and people who care about me and they know this. They know how to deal with me and what to say, and what not to say. And I am getting better at talking myself off the ledge but I still struggle. The post on Psych Central that helped me so much today was titled “Relationship Distress 101: Is It Them, Or Is It Me?”  Chances are … it’s me.

My biggest take-away from reading this: identify your button and make sure others know about it. If I can identify the thing or things that set me off, and I can make others aware of them, as silly as they may be, I can help them help me . My main issues rarely stem from something someone else is doing “wrong” but from something they just may not be doing at all that I might need personally to help my brain chill the fuck out. I need information. Affirmation. Validation. And if I don’t verbally hear these things I start to assume and when I assume it never goes well.  It goes way beyond that old adage of making an ass of myself. I can throw myself into a full blown, bottomed out, bipolar-depressive, ugly-cry, ball of mess.

So … note to anyone out there wondering. I’m not needy, I’m wanty. Feed me with lots of attention, yummy food, backrubs a few times a week, an occasional beer or some nice whiskey or scotch, and I’ll love you forever.


Jingle This Jingler

This week’s Song Of The Week is an attempt to curtail the Seasonal Affective Disorder that is trying like hell to take over my being.

I adore Barenaked Ladies for their amazing musical talent and their hysterical sense of humor. Their version of Jingle Bells is my favorite of all time. If it doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you are unsaveable. Sorry ’bout your luck.


Favorite Moments in Time and Space: Part 4

As much as I loved David Tennant as Ten, I adore Matt Smith as Eleven for totally different reasons. Where Ten was more smoldering and sexy, Eleven is more goofy and nerdy. We see early on, as he meets the young Amelia Pond and tries to figure out how his tastes changed during regeneration:

We also find that like all the other Doctors, he is kind. The episode Vincent and the Doctor shows that, in the very sweet ending scene where he brings a depressed and self-doubting Vincent Van Gogh to a modern day art gallery, and leaves us with the amazing words: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”

He shows us the sad side of the doctor in the episode The Doctor’s Wife where he meets the human incarnation of The TARDIS and then has to say goodbye while saying hello. All these hundreds of years of traveling time and space with the TARDIS only to meet her and immediately lose her.

We also see that for all the nerdy, goofy, sweetness … there is also that kick ass Doctor who takes no shit. One thing Smith can do is deliver an epic speech:

And a not so epic speech:

I’m going to need a SWAT Team ready to mobilize, street level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers, and a Fez.  ~ The Doctor

But one of my favorite Smith episodes is also potentially my favorite Who episode ever. The Day of The Doctor. There are way too many awesome scenes to link all the videos here, so I’ll share one video of my most favorite scene, where Eleven meets Ten.

Another super effective scene in Day of the Doctor was the teaser for Twelve … the infamous Angry Eyebrows of Peter Capaldi

I’m stopping here …. Capaldi hasn’t had a complete series yet and since our cable company pulled BBC America I haven’t been able to catch up on all of his stuff yet. I don’t dislike him though .. not at all! He’s a different Doctor than Tennant or Smith were and that’s a good thing. I like him in his own way and I look forward to meeting his new companion and seeing where this adventure through time and space goes next.

Thanks for indulging me this retrospective. It went a lot longer than I anticipated when I started. Once I got going I realized that I had way too many favorite moments to just including them in one post. If you aren’t a Who fan, I apologize. If you are a Who fan, I hope you enjoyed it.