I found this quote the other day:
Coincidence doesn’t exist and goosebumps never lie. Your body already knows the answer. All you have to do is turn down your spinning mind and continue to follow all signs … because you are always worthy of becoming your best and most actualized self.
~ Victoria Erickson
I added the emphasis there because that is something I need to constantly remind myself. I am worthy.
I stumbled upon this while on a pretty good Pinterest tear the other day. I found it interesting that the more I looked at it, the words that poked at my brain changed.
Initially it was the “spinning mind” line that got me. I’m a chronic over-thinker and haver-of-guilt. My spinning mind can be my greatest enemy and loudest critic. My spinning mind is a real bitch. A giant pain in my ass. She keeps me up at night and makes me second and third and fourth guess just about everything I do.
On my second read of the quote, the whole “always worthy” thing jumped out at me. The fact that I might be worthy of something is never a thought that I have as a naturally occurring thing. I can’t even begin to understand why that is. People find it surprising about me, because I tend to come off as pretty easy going and positive. Which I certainly am both of those things. And I know that some see me as kind of brassy and loud and opinionated, and I am those things too. But all of my brassiness and loudness come out of me in my humor and creativity. Not in any kind of “real” way. It’s really just a front because I’m certain that I really, down deep, don’t have all that much to offer, except for occasionally being funny. I mean, I know I’m good a things. I’m organized. I’m good at my job. I think I’m a decent parent. But super crappy at so much else that I had to make a very specific and conscious effort to deluge myself with positive self-talk on a daily basis.
* I’m worth living the life I want to live for me.
* I’m worth having happiness
* It’s okay to be selfish every once in a while.
* I’m just as important as everyone else.
These are not things that just naturally occur to me, so it’s a constant struggle. I like this quote because it is a reminder that wanting what I want isn’t wrong simply because I want it, it is right for that very same reason. And that’s enough.
Finally, the first line began to speak to me. First of all, as an NCIS fan, this is Rule 39. Gibbs was right after all. But more than the coincidence thing, it’s the goosebumps thing.
I. Love. Loving. Things.
To me, “Goosebumps Don’t Lie” basically means: if something touches you and makes you feel something good or wonderful …. it’s a good thing. You should do more of that thing. It kind of is what I started telling myself when I sat myself down and had a little talk with myself a just a little over a year-ish ago. I was tired of just plain not being happy. I was tired of feeling used and taken advantage of and under-appreciated and under loved. I was so very tired of all of it, and I realized the only person who really truly could make a change in my life was me. None of the other stuff was gonna change any time soon. It hadn’t changed in years and years and coming to the realization (and acceptance) of that fact was one of the most enlightening discoveries I have ever made. The fact that the only changes that were gonna happen were the ones made by me and that it really, truly, wouldn’t be the total and complete end of the world in the grand scheme – life changing. Literally.
So here is to 2016 – The Year Of Me. Here is to me continuing to try to find my happiness and at the same time and happy and full life for my kids. Here is to my trying to tame my spinning mind. Here is to me learning that I am worthy of the life I want. Here is to me living by Rule 39 (** as well as Rules 5, 8, 23, 36, 45, 51 … and 2).
Here is to me following my goosebumps.