Ya’ll Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind

I have never really considered myself much of a believer or follower of the kinds of spiritual beliefs or practices hat talk about “energy.” As many people do, I’m sure at one point or another, I scoffed at such things. Made rude comments or unkind jokes. You know, like humans do when faced with something they don’t understand. Don’t understand something? Tear it down. Make fun of it. Seems almost like a national pastime these days. But I digress. I didn’t come here to talk about the general lack of compassion and the inability (or unwillingness) to understand (or want to understand) other people/concepts/ideas/thoughts/beliefs/etc. I came here to talk about energy. Specifically negative energy.

I am in a place where I find myself surrounded by it daily. For large portions of the day. And it is starting to really, REALLY effect me. Not in a good way.

I have worked very hard over the last several years to change my outlook on life to be one of positivity. I’ve tried very hard, and continue to make a conscious effort daily, to not worry about the little things. To just let that shit go. Eliminate as much needless worry as possible and stop expending energy on stupid shit. Well, not really stupid shit, but all of the shit I can’t control. These efforts have made quite a difference. I have in no way eliminated worry or stress from my life, but I have reduced it. I have cut way back on the whole “stewing” about things part of worry. I have made very purpousful decisions about how I will let worry and stress effect me. I know that I annoy people when I say: “It is what it is,” but that phrase really helps me. There are a lot of things in life that you actually have ZERO control over. If you have no control over it, why let it control how you feel and react and respond. Your worrying or stressing about it is NOT going to change it. All you accomplish is generating needless bad feelings and unhappiness. Doing what I can daily to just let shit go has really helped me.

But over the last several weeks the veil of negativity is falling over my life again. I find my self having a much harder time not allowing the negative people I run across on a daily basis get to me. I end up every day cranky and angry and in a flat out foul mood. I have daily headaches that, from what I can tell, are just due to the anticipation and wonder of just how shitty my next day is going to make me feel. I’m exhausted from spending my days talking myself off the ledge. Breathing. Stretching. Looking at puppies online. Whatever I can do to try to offset this negative fog I find myself in. Now, some days are better than others. They aren’t all horrific. But the bad days are becoming more frequent and lasting longer and longer. I don’t like it.

Something has got to give. I’m hoping to get off my ass and start running again, hopefully that will help some. I’m going on an honest-to-God vacation in a couple of weeks. It will only be four short days, but it will be two days away from work and hopefully will help me at least a little. Maybe a little mini-recharge will be just what I need. Hopefully. If not I fear that I will need some of ya’ll to gather together with some bail money. Because some shit is gonna go down.


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