I find myself regressing. And it doesn’t make me happy. I catch myself saying things in my inner dialogue that sound so, so familiar. Things I’ve said in the past. Things I promised myself I would never say again.
You get to a point where the situations keep changing but the emotions and feelings and self talk go back to the same old thing.
You get to a point where you realize you are the common denominator in the cycle.
Maybe this is just who I am. Maybe I am meant to be the person who always takes care of someone else at the expense of herself.
Maybe. But I am not ready to believe that just yet.
I’m ready to keep pushing myself to accept that who I am is good enough and eventually that person will be truly happy.
The fact that I have to continue to slog through drama and heartache and disappointment to get there is just part of the journey.
So I push on, trying to identify where I need to expend my emotional energy.
Trying to identify where I need to just let that shit go and move on.
I spent a lifetime giving all of myself for very little in return.
I’m halfway through my life at this point.
I think it’s about time I refocused on living for myself.