Old Habits: Common Denominator

I find myself regressing. And it doesn’t make me happy. I catch myself saying things in my inner dialogue that sound so, so familiar. Things I’ve said in the past. Things I promised myself I would never say again.

You get to a point where the situations keep changing but the emotions and feelings and self talk go back to the same old thing.

You get to a point where you realize you are the common denominator in the cycle.

Maybe this is just who I am. Maybe I am meant to be the person who always takes care of someone else at the expense of herself.

Maybe. But I am not ready to believe that just yet.

I’m ready to keep pushing myself to accept that who I am is good enough and eventually that person will be truly happy.

The fact that I have to continue to slog through drama and heartache and disappointment to get there is just part of the journey.

So I push on, trying to identify where I need to expend my emotional energy.

Trying to identify where I need to just let that shit go and move on.

I spent a lifetime giving all of myself for very little in return.

I’m halfway through my life at this point.

I think it’s about time I refocused on living for myself.

Selfishly.

Happily.

Hopefully.

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